Part 7 : Breaking free of cyclical thinking, oof.

This one is more for me than it is for you, but it’s going to be in the public eye so, regardless I hope it serves. Cycles, we learn a lot about them as we grow up. The cycle of reproduction, The cycle of life, rain, seasons, abuse , relationships. Almost everything in this life is cyclical; but there isn’t much we can do to control nature and the planet is there? So what do we control? and how do cycles affect us as individuals. Besides having to wear shorts in the summer and pants in the winter, we are also burdened by cycles of thought. thought patterns that become almost like deep canals in the brain’s neurological pathways, and cause us to behave in a default way when faced with scenarios or ideas we have encountered before.

Perhaps you think you are not physically attractive enough to wear certain garments, so when you see a person in the clothes you truly desire your brain defaults to shaming you even though; literally noone is asking for it’s opinion. Or maybe you miss someone from a previous relationship and whenever you feel that loss, you check their social media. Which causes you to spiral into negative thinking, Especially if you find they are in a relationship with someone else. It could even be something as minor as disliking your hair, and staring at it until your brain convinces you it’s time to cut and colour it at home for the third time in just two months.

There are a multitude of variations on the subject but the baseline is, my thought cycles are in control of my actions. How the fuck do I stop that from happening huh? First things first, let’s start with our mandatory deep breath. In for three 1…2…3. and out for four 1…2…3…4. Now , let’s start with the thought patterns themselves; what is the motivation and intention of the pattern? Are your thoughts motivated by self-worth? The opinions of others? Determining why the thoughts may be arising will help you understand why your brain might be bringing them up. second let’s identify intention, which is in fact different from motivation. Your thoughts may be motivated by your fear of commitment, but their intention is to keep you safe Against rejection. You can identify intention by looking at the cycle (again we will reiterate the ’sans shame part here) from an outside perspective. If your negative cycles of thought center around people abandoning you, and the motivation is “people will leave me, if they discover who I truly am” then the Intention could be “ to protect myself from loneliness, by being someone more socially accepted”

How do these to things factor into negative thought cycles? If your motivation is A and your intention is B; then we could say A is the trigger for the cycle. When A occurs then the thoughts begin “you can’t say that, that’s stupid. no one will be interested and they will all think we are a freak, and then they’ll cut us out of the group and ruin our reputation then no one will be friends with us and we will have to move to alaska and become hermits; and die alone.” kind of a bit carried away for simply wanting to share your true thoughts on what could be a fairly mundane subject, no? But that’s where we factor in B, which is the intention to protect you from social exclusion, by keeping your conversation on the same level as those around you. So now we have established A and B in our equation of thought, let’s introduce C! My personal favourite, thought replacement. When you have a cycle of thoughts it might seem like your head is about to spin right off your neck like a runaway screw. Sometimes however even a small counter, can help stop the turning for just enough time for you to come back to baseline. let’s take the previous example, if for just a moment you said “Bringing this up could be embarrassing, but Steven mentioned he likes thought provoking conversation. I think about this a lot so it’s definitely thought provoking”

Now you’ve given yourself a new narrative! you’ve replaced embarrassing, with thought provoking; and have given your brain the opportunity to find new tracks to run on. So when you say what you want and everyone is eager to converse about the topic. You will feel even more rewarded for sharing your thoughts! and over time, motivated to share them more often and more openly.

Try this with some of your thought cycles, it’s perfectly okay if the first few times you find your way right back to the original thought. Be patient with yourself, you are unlearning things that could potentially have been with you for years. You deserve to heal, but dont put a timeline on it. You are perfect and whole as you are now. This process is only meant amplify your power and light, and allow you to create a safe space within yourself. Not to “fix” anything.

Keep applying the pressure, and you will notice the change within the way you think and handle triggers.

We are both not only capable of healing, but destined for it.

With love, ASE